It's not my birthday, but it feels like it! Look what came today! I knew it was coming, since I got the ship confirmation yesterday. But still... LOOK WHAT CAME TODAY!!!



( Click to see more pictures )

I've watched a few episodes. The picture quality is great! And they un-borked all the stuff Rhino broke with its previous release! SweeeeeeeeeEEEEeeeet! Cost $140, but hey, 16 discs!

I have next week off. I'm definitely going to spend a good chunk of time watching the good ol', original episodes of The Transformers.

Let's go chronologically...

Woke up around 8:30 this morning. Had a breakfast of Kashi 7 grain puffs that spiked my blood sugar even though the carb info suggests it shouldn't have (15g!). I'm coming to learn that some foods just cause my body to go glucose-happy... meh.

Did some tidying up around here in preparation for getting the new TV next weekend. Goodness, we can close the bedroom door again! And the PS3 is now out in the living room! Still more work to be done, but I'm definitely witnessing first-hand how organization can make a space seem open... well, less cluttered anyway.

Had lunch, ran into some coworkers, did the grocery shopping. July 4th may be a holiday, but there sure isn't much that isn't open.

We saw The Hangover at Celebration Cinema. It was funny, disturbing, and generally entertaining. I was amazed that it didn't get an NC-17 rating. If not due to the rare glimpses of male genitalia, than for the still photos of fellatio shown at the end.

It's been a quiet week around here. You know, apart from the whole finding out my best friend has been dead for two years thing. Not many people lighting off fireworks this year. I guess the economy is so bad, they can't afford to?

No big plans this weekend. Work next week. Then on vacation for a week. Not going anywhere, but it will be nice to get away from "that place" for a while. I very much fear the state of my queue when I get back though.

Ah well... happy Independence Day people.

I spoke to Donald's brother and sister today. They were still at their old number. I'm very appreciative of the answers they provided, but have been left with additional questions...

Apparently, Don developed a respiratory infection in 2006 that never got better. He was in and out of hospitals for months. Eventually ended up requiring a respirator to breathe. And then his breath was finally squeezed out of him for good on 3-17-2007. He had breathing problems, just generally speaking, all his life, so I can't say that I'm shocked.

I feel so upset knowing that it took him so long to go, and that I couldn't be there for him. Not guilty, per se... upset. He was my partner in crime the first 24 years of my life. I never thought he'd be dead. I may have neglected staying in touch (we both did). I never figured he'd be gone. Urgh! Coping with the whole thing all-at-once is a bitch.

Gordon and Jane seemed to be doing OK. Nothing new going on with them personally. Their dad passed away last year, which just puts another nail in the first decade of the 2000s for them I'm sure, but his pension has kept a roof over their heads and food on the table. Sounds like their relatives visit a lot more, which means their mom isn't terribly lonely.

I gave them my new number and will be in touch again once I sort my feelings out. It was all I could do to keep my shit together on the phone. They've had time to cope, but it's clear it hit them hard too, as they both had trouble relating all the details. Jane especially had trouble expressing the right words. I can't imagine how they feel.

I just know that I feel pretty sad right now.

Man, just awash in memories. Reciting every line from Married with Children episodes... getting into the same fads (comic books, sports cards) together... how his mom would say "Don owa ni ham niba" whenver I would call. I think that's Chinese for "Don, telephone!" Maybe she was saying "it's that fat white guy that eats all our food when he comes over!" Heh heh.

Here's to you, Don Rama-lama-tic-tac, wherever you are. If there is an afterlife, I hope it's treating you better than this one did. I've been a right prick to many people. You were never mean to anyone.

Sometimes, we don't learn about deaths the way we should. Today I learned that lesson first-hand.

I had been meaning to catch up with Donald Tam -- i.e. my best friend from grade school / high school / university -- for a while. I last saw him in 2002 when I visited Seattle and last spoke to him in 2005 when my grandmother passed away. We exchanged gifts later that winter, but hadn't exchanged an iota of contact since.

Today, I decided to fire up a tracing tool we use, just to verify my info on him... and the result came back "deceased."

My heart sank.

I did a check of the Seattle area death notices and, sure enough, Donald K. Tam, 3-17-2007.. He was only 35 when he died.

I am so very sad right now. And am hating myself for not doing more to stay in touch. Yeah, he had my number and could've called, but I also had his and could have done the same.

It sucks so much. Ever since I moved, we grew apart, as best friends do when that happens. I always figured there would be time to reconnect later. Boy was I wrong.

I remember when we met, in the lunch room at John Hay elementary in Seattle. We were both in the third grade. He should've been in 5th by then, but had been held back twice... long enough to put us in the same class. I was the mean fat kid few people liked. He was the chubby, Chinese kid with exzema and breathing problems that everyone made fun of. We had a lot of hobbies in common, so we clicked.

We went to the same elementary, middle, and high schools. And when I started attending the University of Washington, we still hung out as much as possible even though he didn't go to college. Our friendship had very few low points. The only one I really remember is a silly fight we got into in middle school, when I threw a basketball at his head. I recall I was jealous he found some other friends to play basketball with.

He was really the only true friend I had for the first 20 years of my life. I can't even relate how much he influenced my life. Every Friday, we would hang out. That's just how it was. We saw all of the new movies together. We played all the hottest video games together. I had dinner at his house all the time. We went on the historic "pilgrimage for a pizza" together (along with his brother, Gordon, and his sister, Jane.)!

And now he's gone... and I don't even know the circumstances behind his passing.

Pretty sure he didn't pass my new number to his brother or sister. I tried calling the numbers I had for them, but one is disconnected and the other just rang a lot. So frustrating. But I will keep trying.



May you rest in peace, Donald K. Tam. I appreciate your friendship so much and I'm sorry I wasn't a better friend.

I'm not even talking about work in the subject line. Yes, work was nuts. Was supposed to work in loan servicing today, but was told to finish the charge off report 5 days early, so that took up half the day (with meeting included). Before I knew it, work was done!

Got out at 5 today... won't do that again for ages. But it's nice to get out, be able to go someplace with Cindy, and get home without it being 10pm. After a light dinner, we drove home and heard on the radio that Michael Jackson died today.

Michael Jackson... the guy that came up with Thriller, and Beat It, and Bad, and Billie Jean, and They Don't Really Care About Us... dead at age 50. An apparent heart attack. Will be interesting to see if the autopsy reveals any drugs or foul play.

Regardless, I champion the man for his music. If you don't like Michael Jackson's music, you have no soul.

In other news, my Wavesense Jazz blood glucose meter came today. I've only used it once, but I already love it. It's so small--half the size of the UltraSmart I was considering--and it needs a RIDICULOUSLY teeny droplet of blood. Like, if a bug were to bite me, that'd be enough. Not even exaggerating.

I was surprised by the extra features it has that aren't advertised in the marketing materials or on the box. The meter itself keeps track of weekly / monthly averages, keeps track of averages of certain mealtimes, and gives you graphs showing 3-day, 2-week, and 1-months. That's pretty sweet. The software I downloaded keeps track of more things, but it's neat that the meter can give you quick access to the necessary data tracking.

I'm considering working up a video review for Youtube. It's really not that awful.

Anyone that gets the subject line definitely knows their video games. Let's just say I'm pretty psyched that Garou: Mark of the Wolves is coming to Xbox Live Arcade tomorrow. I won't play it nearly as often as Super Street Fighter II HD, but it'll definitely join the rotation. Well... what little rotation there is these days.

Today was my turn to take Tuesday off. I like it when I end up with a Tuesday off near the end of the month, because it means I work a Saturday at the end of the month... which means I can prepare the monthly charge off report in relatively peace and quiet. Oh, the small pleasures I get at work, heh.

We didn't get much done today. Cindy had a doctor's appointment that really took way longer than it should've. Sparrow Family Health don't exactly have time management down to a science. Picked up my permanent disability placard today, though. I'm not sure how much having one actually helps me take stress off my foot, but it is kind of nice to not have to walk 1,000+ feet every time we go someplace popular.

My blood sugar meter is on its way. I did indeed order the Wavesense Jazz. Our new insurance plan at work has a $1500 deductible and doesn't cover anything remotely useful until that amount is met, so I'd be messing with my reimbursement and health savings accounts regardless of which meter and strips I chose. I figured, in that case, I'll get the most accurate and useful meter I can.

I'm looking forward to plugging it into my computer and using the software to track my readings and create reports. I can't wait to see if there are any other foods that I can eliminate from my diet to push my readings even lower. My last fasting glucose was 143, which is still too high. The A.C.E. recommends readings between 90-140 to prevent glucotoxicity and cell damage.

Yeah, I am actually looking forward to jabbing myself 6 times a day... though I'll surely be dropping to 2 or 3 once I have my food patterns charted. Those damn strips cost about 80 cents each!

BTW, our new health insurance plan can kiss my ass. It is certainly better than nothing, but it is not a worthwhile plan for someone that has medical expenditures above the typical "see a doctor twice a year, get routine tests, and have a standard prescription" pattern. They tried to convince us this new plan would save employees more in the long run, because of the lower paycheck withdrawal and the health reimbursement account. I did the math. Factoring-in all of the "so called" savings, I'm actually paying $10 more per paycheck and $10 more each co-pay. That's been roughly $50 more per month.

Thankfully, the health reimbursement account and health savings account basically make my other out-of-pocket costs a wash in the end. The caveat to that is that I need to do the leg work to submit claims and deal with the companies that are billing me. On the old plan, I didn't have to do any of that.

Ah well... it is better than not having any health insurance at all...

Righty-o, I'm off to tidy up in the bedroom a little more. May as well accomplish something else today.

Tomorrow: Transformers!

I went to bed WAY too late last night. But I have a good excuse. I was reading reviews of blood glucose monitors. My doctor wants me to test my blood sugar at least twice a day to see if there's anything left that I'm eating that could be causing my blood sugar to spike. He was thrilled when my A1C went from 10.3 to 7.1, but wasn't thrilled that I hadn't already been checking my blood sugar. It's not my fault! The guy he had me see before didn't mention it!

I've pretty much narrowed my choices down to the Wavesense Jazz and the OneTouch Ultra Smart.

Both require tiny droplets of blood and have advanced options for tagging tests with mealtime indicators. Both also allow downloading results to a computer for handy log keeping.

The Jazz is my preference, mainly because it requires the smallest blood sample and is apparently one of the most accurate meters out there. Its software also happens to be free, and I've messed around with it enough to know I like its log layout better than the OneTouch (admittedly I've only seen screengrabs of the OneTouch logging software).

The UltraSmart is a veritable wonder. It lets you look at logs from the device itself, tag entries with specific carb and fat information, and even note what medications you're on and how you're feeling at the time of the test. And it lets you see charts and graphics from the unit itself! It tracks more data than the Jazz and stores nearly 6,000 results.

Besides preferring the look of the Jazz's software, another big reason I put the UltraSmart second on my want-list is that it's apparently very picky about how much blood needs to be on the test strip. At $1 a pop, I don't want to waste those suckers.

Unfortunately, the Jazz is only available from two mail order vendors and my insurance may not cover the cost of any of its necessary supplies. If that does indeed turn out to be the case, I'd have to pay out of pocket ($80 for 100 strips, and need two packs of those every three months) or go for the OneTouch instead... which I know I'd at least get a significant discount on due to my insurance.

So, yeah... I don't want to be jabbing myself... but I'm going to start doing so because I absolutely need to see if there's anything else I'm eating that's spiking my blood sugar. That 7.1 A1C result was awesome, but I need to get down to the mid-6's or less to really have a handle on this diabetes thing.

In other news, I am indeed selling the Wii and an old gray PlayStation to complete funding for a new TV purchase. We'll probably tackle that in a week or two.

So, as it turns out, there's no way to give someone your Virtual Console games with your Wii without also leaving a lot of personal information stored on the system. If I want to sell the system to someone, I either need to wipe the Wii shop account (and all the software goes with it) or trust someone not to make malicious use of the info that's on there.

And I'd almost be THAT trusting, except there's just enough stuff on there that it wouldn't take some people much time to wreak a little havoc... and maybe steal my identity. Thought the latter is a longshot. But still not impossible. Bleah.

Do I wipe something like $600 worth of software to sell the system for maybe $200? Or do I just hold onto it, even though I have literally used it 30 minutes since January.

Tough call.

I wish it was possible to wipe my account info entirely AND leave the games on there. Seriously, they were paid for! Nintendo has all the receipts. And so do I: that's also stored in the Wii shop history!

You know what they say, when you're down, sometimes shopping is a pick-me-up behavior.

Yep... I went and done did it...

Transformers 16-DVD Collector's Set

I used to be bummed that I missed out on the old Rhino editions. But Shout Factory! isn't just duplicating that set--they've fixed all the lame animation errors and sound problems that Rhino's set never shoulda had. In short, it's the ultimate collection of Transformers Generation One cartoons.

A bit pricy at $140... but hey... at least I'll have it when I'm on vacation July 13-17.

... the irony here is I'm planning to sell my Wii to fund the purchase of a new TV. If I want a new TV, I've gotta fund the thing. So, the Wii loses. I've used it 35 minutes in 2009 anyway... heh.

Sometimes, I talk to my guinea pig. OK, quite often, I talk to the guinea pig. But sometimes, I have a meaningful (albeit one-sided) conversation with him because he understands. Crazy talk, I know. But a one pound puff of fur with a penchant for eating hay and pooping isn't encumbered by the baggage of our complicated society. And so, I talk to him and see what he has to say.

He doesn't say much, apart from quiet squeaks... and that's fine. He's responding with the guinea pig equivalent of "so what" or "eh." And I respect that.

Because, really, I have a job that's stressing me out, a foot that's broken in like 10 places, a relationship that sends my brain on a roller coaster -- not to mention enough regrets to last two lifetimes. And still, I'm not trapped in a tiny cage, forced to rely on strange giants for my food and water, meandering around atop my own pee and poo, and getting all of my thrills from sitting on top of a purple igloo whilst I gaze at a plain white wall (that is apparently altogether interesting).

So, yeah... I kinda hate my life... but the guinea pig is right... so what. If he doesn't occasionally eat his own poop, he might die (true, look it up). WTF do I have to complain about?

I haven't had much mental energy lately to write in my journal. It's not that my week has been terrible. No... more like, draining.

We got our new person in collections this past Monday, and I am loving it. We'll be training her for weeks (I'm still learning!), but she's already a dynamo on the phones. Honestly, half of this job is throwing yourself at it. I am hopeful that we will give her a better transition than I got when I was brought up to speed. I don't fault them for doing what they had to do with me in a time of necessity, but lordy it wore me out.

Good thing she started, too, because Marie has been out most of the week. Her mom's not doin' so good... and it seems like the doctors are dumbasses... sucky situation all-around.

I haven't done much of note since I last wrote. I'm still selling stuff here and there on eBay to get rid of "junk" and earn some extra scratch. Lately, I've found myself wanting Verizon's new Samsung Alias 2 phone and Amazon's Kindle 2 e-book reader. I don't need either, but the features appeal to me. I almost bought the original Alias when I got my current phone, but the keyboard was frightful. The new re-orienting / e-ink keypad fixes that. And the Kindle, man, I dunno... it makes me think I might read stuff.

But then, I read maybe 2 books a year and do most of my reading on CNN.com and Wikipedia. So I dunno. I reckon the real barrier for me is the exhorbitant price. $400 all told for a Kindle 2 or $500 all told for a Kindle DX is just nutballs. The least Amazon could do is include a coupon or card good for 5 or 10 free book downloads.

Maybe I won't buy anything with my extra cash. Maybe I will just throw it at some debt. Not a bad idea either.

Hmm... I've come to like Blue Diamond's chili and lime almonds. I thought I liked the wasabi ones, but the chili and lime are scrumptious.

And my weight is now stagnant around 275... bummer. Will need exercise now to push lower. Bleh :)

I woke up about 45 minutes ago. Figured since I can't sleep I'd check the sports news. Looks like shortly after I got home from work, Randy Johnson, my 2nd favorite pitcher of all-time, tossed his 300th win against the Washington Nationals.

All I can say is thank goodness... and, YAY!!

It's no secret that I'm a big baseball fan. But, unlike many fans, my player adorations tend to focus on pitchers. Of those, I like the scrappy fireballers that tend to play for years until they finally fall apart at age 70... or mid-40's (heh).

Randy Johnson definitely fits that mold. He's 45. He's going to be 46 soon. I remember watching him when I was a teenager when he played for the Mariners. He consistently threw fastballs in the high 90s and 100s, and not much else. He was wild. But he racked up strikeouts and wins. Pitched the Mariners first no-hitter too. I used to have that game on audio tape. Wish I hadn't misplaced it.

He still throws high heat, but his control has been much better the last decade or so. And his repertoire has included a nasty slider and a goofy 85mph change up.

300 wins, two no-hitters, 4800+ strikeouts, and still going. Multiple back surgeries, he's going to be 46, and he's still out there. Playing for a SF Giants team that, arguably, is the worst in the league on any given night.

Watching him dominate batters for so long has been fun. And there's no doubt he provides inspiration to those of us that find life's challenges difficult. Yeah, he's an overpaid ballplayer... but to be that old and that broken and still doing it, W-O-W.



My hats off to ya, Big Unit.

Saw the orthopedic specialist again this morning. Had an hour wait since he was late from a meeting, but the appointment itself went as well as could be expected.

Took more X-Rays. I hate weight-bearing X-Rays. Anyway, they came out looking like cleaner versions of the ones we took in February. That's good. It means my body has resumed trying to heal and that the bones are re-calcifying. Obviously, having a broken mid-foot region fuse itself together isn't the best outcome... but it does mean that the Charcot process that caused my foot to shatter in the first place has stopped.

It also means that the option of surgery is up to me now. The doc was thrilled with my a1c result and with the new X-Rays. He's willing to do the surgery. I told him I'd like to wait, simply because I don't know if I am ready for THREE MONTHS totally off my feet given my work & home situations. He's fine with that and advised me to stay off my foot as much as I can, continue with my current diet, and get more X-Rays done in 4 months. If those come out fine, we'll do another set in a year.

He also gave me a permanent handicapped placard application and told me that if I want to exercise, the best options to spare my foot are biking and swimming. You know, I'm not averse to biking...

BTW, that surgery is no joke. It would take FOUR HOURS. They would make multiple incisions in my foot and insert at least 5 steel rods, which would be used to reinforce my bone structure. In essence, it'd be like building a foot out of Rebar. The diagram he drew made it look like a "Terminator" foot... which was kinda cool. Oh, and they'd have to re-break some of the bones to put them back where they're supposed to go. Yeah...

Diabetes is a bitch. Let my foot be a lesson to all you candy/sweets lovers out there (and pasta/bread fanatics). Be reasonable...

To say that I am unhappy currently would be an understatement. But it's not just one thing. My job, my personal life, my health... there are good things happening, but the litany of bad things seems to be trouncing any positive affectation I absorb.

Ironically, at my job it isn't the work itself that is smacking me silly. People say collections is hard. Really, it's not. You follow your procedures, you try to help people, and you give them choices within reason. The majority of people I talk to can salvage their past due loans or accounts and are willing to go through the effort to do so. What is daunting is 1) the amount of work, and 2) the mood swings of some of the people I work with. I'm getting better at handling #1. Number 2 is sending me to the precipice of madness.

My personal life... man... I could write a 10 page essay... but I firmly believe one of the toughest issues has been the time commitments we both have to our jobs. Cindy works 7:30 to 5 weekdays, attends monthly meetings, and devotes every Sunday to planning at school. I work 10 to 7 most weekdays, 9 to 4 some Saturdays, and a good chunk of overtime just to keep up. What does that leave for a relationship? 7:30pm to 10pm weekdays and most Saturdays, basically.

We have other problems. But that one I just described is murderous. I'm hoping this summer will prove less crushing in that regard... assuming that our other problems don't flourish as a result of us having more time to spend together.

And my health... man... you know, really, Diabetes can kiss my ass. I'm proud of all I've done to lose weight and control my blood sugar, but this dull diet, comparative lack of energy, and random digestive issues thing is fucking getting to me. Plus, what the hell am I going to do Tuesday if the bone doctor says I absolutely MUST have the surgery done on my foot? Three months in a wheelchair ain't so do-able in a one bedroom apartment in a complex that's all about the stairs. In a town that is about as wheelchair friendly as a mine field.

Bottom line: There's too much going wrong. I'd be fine with one major crisis. But this is kinda nutballs.

AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!! (primal scream)

That is all.

It has been a long Memorial Day weekend.

Work was busy Friday, and Cindy got word that her cousing died much earlier in the morning as a result of a dune buggy accident. He lost control and ended up upside down in a drainage ditch... and drowned.

Major bummer.

So, Cindy had to go to her folks for her step-brother's wedding, and interact with other family members as they were going about funeral arrangements. It's Wednesday at 11am. Probably going to mean I need to take a cab to work Wednesday, which is fine.

We did get rid of that large desktop computer in the bedroom though. Woo! Did I mention wireless printers are awesome? They are.

Saturday, I slept in until 11am, did a few online courses for work, played some video games, watched part of a ballgame, and stayed up late -- updated my cell phone's firmware and devoured info about Samsung's new Alias 2 cell phone. Me want. Not sure why, since I don't text much, but me want.

Sunday, I woke up late again, played more video games, did more online courses for work, and composed a few eBay auctions (which start today). I was hunting in the closet for stuff to get rid of and found some Neo Geo Pocket Color games that -- shocker -- fetch between $30 to $100 each. Whether I reap the low or the high end of the scale, I'll be happy with how those auctions go. Probably going to make the last payment on our wedding rings.

Stayed up late last night researching mini notebook, aka netbook, computers. The concept is very attractive to me. Most of my computing these days consists of surfing the internet with a little bit of document editing... so I don't exactly need a massive machine for that. I use my laptop all the time. I'd love a smaller machine -- if only I could tolerate a smaller screen.

Carly made a comment last night that got me to thinking. To paraphrase, she said, "It's funny how laptops keep getting smaller and Ipods keep getting bigger."

It seems to me that the whole concept of convergence isn't just a buzzword, but is, in fact, something that the mass consumer craves. We want to go online, to communicate, to entertain ourselves, and to manage our lives with as few devices as possible... and we want them to be small. But not too small. Optimally, one device will do EVERYTHING. We're not there yet, but we will be.

At the very least, the whole netbook craze suggests the sweet spot is something that's about 8 to 10 inches diagonally and weighs about 2 lbs. Unfortunately, for all of that portability, they still lack in some aspects (relatively underpowered, low-rez screens, aren't built for TV reception, etc.). Those shortfalls are merely temporary: 2 Ghz CPUs and good video acceleration can be had in pricier models, resolutions are cracking the 720p barrier, and easy TV capability is a matter of time.

For my money, besides needing 720p or 1080p resolution, I'll be closer to biting on one of these tiny marvels when touch screens are more common and somebody integrates a legitimate scroll wheel into one. I can't believe that people are OK scrolling by dragging their finger across a touchpad. It never works right!

Anyway, today I, yep, slept in, had lunch with Cindy, went grocery shopping, and did more of the "find stuff to throw away" variety. I marvel at how much truly useless junk I own. Seriously, why do we accumulate so much... crap?

I'm not looking forward to going back to work. If anything, this extended weekend has reminded me of how relaxing my life used to be. I'll get back into the groove quick enough. Even so, I'd love to win the lottery soon. Ya know?

Went to see my doctor before work today to discuss the results of my blood tests. If you recall, I had the first round January 27th. The second round was done May 12th. That's about three and a half months. Three and a half months in which I've cut out all unnecessary carbs and have taken Metformin religiously. Here is what I've managed to accomplish in that time.

         01-27-2009 ------ 05-12-2009
Weight      289                274   (-15)
Glucose     263                143   (-120)
A1C         10.3               7.1   (-3.2)

Normal on glucose is below 110 and normal on a1c (the measure of glucose in blood cells) is 6.5 or less. I'm still above normal and in the diabetic range, but in three months I have gone from "holy crap, you'll go blind" to "let's see if you can lose another 10 to 20 pounds before we start talking about insulin or other drugs."

So I'm staying the course. I'll have to continue my maddening low-carb diet, but at least now I know it really is paying off. I gave up the Swedish Fish and Mike & Ikes, and while I have lost some of my sanity, I am gaining back my health. I can dig it.

He does want me to test my glucose regularly at home though, which means I'll be spending some time this coming weekend researching the right meter and strips to get. Yep, gonna be jabbing myself. But hey, it'll be worth it to track those trends and eliminate anything else that's spiking my blood sugar.

"Pretty scary that I see a pink robe with a cartoon cat that kids love...and I think of you right away."

Yes, my adoration of Hello Kitty IS a bit freakish. A shame I can't find Hello Kitty boxers in 3x.

That weekend went by too fast. Maybe working until 4pm on Saturday had something to do with it. I did get a chance to play some Raiden Fighters, to get stuff ready to ship that I sold on eBay, and to mostly clear off the hard drive on the desktop PC we're giving to Cindy's dad. I also managed to get a decent amount of sleep, even though it doesn't feel like nearly enough.

Memorial Day is next Monday, which means I have a three day weekend coming up. Cindy is most definitely attending her step-brother's wedding out of town. I haven't decided yet if I'm also going. If I do go, I wouldn't be able to get as much sleep as I'd like, and I probably won't be able to catch up on my online courses for work. If I don't go, I can take naps, do those courses, and still have time left to burn. It all depends on my mood at the end of the week.

Also, the scale said 274 the other day. Woo!

I went to bed around 10pm last night. Should've been plenty of sleep. But I am dead tired. Man, I could sleep 4 or 5 more hours easy. Too bad I have to go to work in a bit.

Oh well. The good news is, just weighed myself and the scale said 275. Woo! I never thought I'd be in the 270's... now I'm wondering if 260-something is possible.

Woke up about a half hour ago with a majorly painful foot cramp. Normally, I can just walk them off. But this one required a sleep-killing mix of stretching, twisting, and standing. So, here I sit. And so, here I record a few things for posterity.

Work has been up and down this week. Two days, I've felt overwhelmed and frustrated. The other two, like I have a purpose and am making headway. My problem is, the frustrating days influence my mood and satisfaction much more than the productive ones. It's a character flaw I've always had... and probably what makes me ultimately such a workhorse.

I have helped a lot of people this week, though. The last couple weeks I have spent more time on loan modifications and re-finances than I have anything else. I was told the customers that ask for our help come first, and so that's what I've made a priority. With the economy continuing to get worse in Lansing, the workload in our collections department has grown. See, the sticky part of it is that helping people takes much more time than bugging them to pay or repossessing their cars/homes. Your average "let's cut your payments in half for six months to help you out" request probably takes four hours worth of total work when you consider everything that needs to be done.

My friendship with Sarah (my ex) has been rekindled in full force. The void between us was never my doing, and I'm not sure why she became open to communicating with me again in recent weeks, but I am welcoming the change. Apart from breaking up with me, by email no less, she never did anything to wrong me. And our relationship before that was actually very rewarding. We've pretty much become fast friends again. I always liked her playful attitude, and we have a lot of similar tastes... not to mention all of the nutty in-jokes we share.

I am greatly lamenting my lack of video game time these days. Eight months ago, when I ate, breathed, and slept video games, I had no concept of what they're near-total absence from my life would do to my overall satisfaction. Nowadays, I have maybe a couple hours every weekend to play, and it makes me VERY, VERY, VERY sad. I truly crave the mindless fun that I could be enjoying with Street Fighter II / IV, some Xbox Live Arcade games I downloaded, and my recent acquisition of Raiden Fighters Aces.

It's that last one that's really making me feel the loss of my video game "me time." Raiden Fighters Aces is a $20 disc for the Xbox 360 that contains three arcade shoot-em-up games that originally came out in the mid-1990's. I could go on for hours describing why I adore each game on the disc, but let's just sum it up with "lots of ships to play, lots of stuff to blow up, huge bosses, and awesome top-view air combat." I would recommend anyone, even if not a fan of the shmup genre, get this disc. Between the numerous play modes and emulation options, you can literally get lost for hours playing.

I find out the results of my A1C test on Tuesday. Have a follow up with the orthopedic specialist on June 2nd to discuss surgery and general "what do I do now?" options for my left foot. Scheduled myself and Cindy to attend diabetes management classes during my vacation in July. Would've done them sooner, but there are too many hours involved and they don't do weekends. Probably going to buy myself a glucose meter and start using that regularly. I don't necessarily want to, but I am curious as to how the meals I am eating now influence my blood sugar levels on an hour-by-hour basis.

We found a new home for that large desktop computer we have in the bedroom. Since our new printer has built-in wifi, we no longer have a need for a power-sucking 20lb paperweight. I'm going to spend some time this weekend cleaning stuff off the hard drive. It will be so nice to have that tower, monitor, and speakers out of there. Since we're cramped on space in this apartment (and staying put another year), it will really be a big help toward making the bedroom habitable again. I so badly want more time to "spring clean." The amount of stuff one accumulates that is never used and never remembered is truly mind-boggling.

Had a follow up appointment today to chat with my doctor and get some new blood labs done. Will be discussing the results with him next week.

If you recall, I had my hemoglobin A1C done 1-27-2009 and it came back a 10.3 (w/ blood glucose of 263). That's diabetic. Non-diabetic is 6.5 or less. Since that test, I've slashed the majority of carbohydrates from my diet and have started taking Metformin, a drug that is supposed to help with insulin resistance (liver glucagon production, actually... I believe). Today, I also weighed 15 pounds less than I did that day.

I'm hoping for a lower result. If it's under 8, I probably won't have to go on insulin... and the orthopedic specialist would be willing to do that reconstructive fusion surgery on my left foot.

In all likelihood, I will have to start checking my blood sugar constantly with a personal meter. My doctor mildly suggested it, but he also referred me for diabetes classes and a visit to Sparrow's diabetes center. He's going to let them have the final say. My guess is, unless that A1C result magically comes back under 7, they're going to want me to check my blood sugar regularly. That's fine... but I'm no fan of poking myself.

Anyway, it looks like this whole diabetes thing is going to consume more of my time. It has already caused a huge shift in my eating habits and physical well-being (mostly for the better). I haven't really discussed it much with my boss at work... but now I probably should, since they'll be more willing to work with me regarding those classes if I don't blindside them with it. I used to fear discussing it in case they tried to pull a fast one regarding my job, but this is my survival we're talking about, and not attacking diabetes head-on would be pretty close to suicide.

After enjoying some cathartic video game playing earlier, we went to the Lugnuts game down at Oldsmobile Park. They played poorly, they didn't win, and it was pretty darn chilly out, but we did bring home a sweet souvenir.



They always give away a signed ball to celebrate when the Lugnuts score their first run of the game. We submit entries every time we go to a game. My name was pulled a couple years ago. Tonight was Cindy's turn. She seemed very thrilled to see her name up on the scoreboard.

You might recall that we purchased our wedding rings last month. The one they had for me was way too big though, so they special ordered one in my size and sent me home with a "stand in." Well, the actual ring came in today... and now I have pics!


That's my ring in the box. Yellow gold band with a rhodium white finish and three diamonds. They're not high quality diamonds like Cindy has in her ring, but they're sparkly enough.


And this shows why I had to special order mine. For a guy, I have small fingers. Great for typing, but not so great for wearing large rings. Believe it or not, it's a 7.5. Cindy's ring size is a 7.25!


Another view of my wedding ring. I think it looks pretty classy. Honestly, I feel like the smaller size makes this ring look better in terms of proportion than the "normal" size one they originally sent me home with.

I wore it for a little bit today. I won't get much wear out of it until after we're married though *grin* Ain't it shiny!?

I hate fraud. It's the worst part about working in the collections department at a credit union. Some guy passed two altered checks and now I've got evidence to suggest he might have hijacked someone else's account too. It's my job to investigate these things... and I've already put a couple hours into this one person. And it'll probably takes two or three more solid hours to compile everything that would be necessary to get the police involved. Dude, we only have two people active in our department for the next week! I don't have time for this!

But I have to make time for it. It's my job to help the members that need help. But it's also my job to protect the credit union's good members from the ones that would "steal" their money. It's not like we're kickin' around the big bucks like National City or somethin'.

Still... it sucks so much to have to devote so much time and effort to this... because it means I literally won't be able to contact or help another 50-or-so people I'd otherwise be in touch with if I didn't have to review account histories, gather pictures, find check copies, and do all sorts of other mess just to stop some loser.

I hate fraud.

Today started out so nice... and then... what... the... fu...

The gods dumped on me at work. People came in late for appointments. Or showed up out of the blue. Crazy people called in demanding things that I couldn't give (and why would I, they were the delinquent ones!). I had to correct mistakes that I didn't make. My manager punted me a few more loan mods that turned into ordeals. Actually, all of my loan mods today were insanity. And I had to finish gathering evidence for a police report.

Add to that, we're losing three people upstairs. Not what we need. Thought not unexpected when you consider a lot of our staff are college age and, oh yeah, it's graduation time!

I didn't get to anything I really wanted to get done today, and it made me very, very, extremely frustrated.

I have five payment mods and two workout loans in progress. All started within the past couple days. I love helping people. Really, I do. But it's TOO MUCH. My brain is melting.

Yep... the perfect storm of a crappy day. And it wasn't Friday!

To top it off, I realized that our new health benefits no longer cover lab tests until the deductible is paid. Our reimbursement plans will... but that means I'll have to pay out of pocket for my $200 blood tests next week and wait to get the money back. Oy.

Oy!

Shout out to Cindy, Sarah, Lindsay, Carly -- you're all cute!

Lord, I'm beat. I hated today at work. Very much. It was no one's fault. It's just I didn't get any of my main responsibilities done because I was tending to three members that really needed our help. OK, so that is a main responsibility too... but to see my workload pile up for three individuals was tough to take. Especially when 90 minutes of my day was eaten by a worthless seminar.

But there was some good news. Remember how we were looking for a 2 bedroom to move into since they were raising our rent here? How we pretty much had decided on a place? Yeah, the management here blinked and made us an offer that we can't refuse. Basically, they're raising our rent by $11 but giving us a $400 credit that will be split into 12 payments. The end result is we'll be paying $23 less per month. So, we're staying put.

We were honestly looking forward to the concept of more space. It made sense when they were going to raise our rent and charge us more for a small 1 bedroom. Some 2 bedrooms around here go for what this place costs. That was our mindset. But the new deal changes things. We'll put up with cramped space for at least another year if it means we can throw more money at bills. Heck, maybe we'll be ready to hurl ourselves at a house in a year.

Anyway, my master plan for the summer is to pretend we are moving anyway, and to throw stuff out like we are *grin*

Today was Cindy's birthday... and it was a whirlwind, though not for reasons you'd expect.

I stayed up until 3am on Friday night playing a couple Xbox Live games I downloaded (OutRun and Virtual On, woo!). Got up at 7:30 or so and presented Cindy with her first birthday gift. I bought her a new laptop battery. The old one kicked the bucket a few weeks back. Heh, I plugged it in last night so it would be fully charged by the morning. I thought I'd be clever and leave a card on top of her laptop with a note... but she didn't check the card and was using the laptop none-the-wiser when I came out here.

Hehehe... it was a surprise, I guess!

I worked for four hours. Cindy went to a student's first communion. Then we hooked up again and had some lunch... and bought a new printer. We picked up an HP Officejet J6480. Printer, scanner, copier, fax, yadda yadda yadda. It's setup on our wireless network and seems to work just dandy. We're looking forward to the ink savings compared to our old printer, and to the space savings from now being able to ditch a desktop PC we never, ever, ever use.

We donated our old printer to Goodwill. Hey, it still worked!

We went to Coldstone for celebratory ice cream. Actually, Cindy had ice cream. I indulged in a few small bites and was totally missing what I'd have done months ago (gobbled it up!). She got a mix with birthday cake ice cream, whipped cream, cookie dough, and fudge. Yep, pure poison for my diabetic self *grin*

Futzed with the printer a bit, then went and saw X-Men Origins: Wolverine at Celebration Cinema. I liked the movie, but it was definitely trying to cram way too many characters into two hours. No worries... the characters were fun and the action was enthralling. That's what I expected and I got my money's worth.

We came back to discover the Kay Jewelers Santa Certificates I put up on eBay sold for $76. Not bad. I'm going to apply that to the balance still remaining on our wedding ring purchases... which I should be finishing up next payday.

And I gave Cindy her other birthday gift... some sweet Eeyore jammies... and a pajama night shirt with cats on it... yes... wait for it... THE CATS' PAJAMAS.

Friday, May 1st was complete bullcrap. For all of the reasons I knew it would be. Indeed, working at a credit union on a day which brings together paydays with government checks is a recipe for hell. And it bore out. According to Justin at work, people were lined up outside before the place opened. I know the phones were nutso. And to top it off, the bigwigs gave us some VERYURGENTDONOW type stuff that wasn't so easy to get done given the insanity.

Yep, nobody had a good day there today. We all shared the misery. You know it's a rough one when my boss apologizes for it.

I got out of there at 7:25pm. And I wasn't the last one gone...

They passed out some handouts today detailing a few more benefits changes (cuts). We already had the meeting that discussed changes to the health plan. Still good coverage there, but higher co-pays and more of a deductable, which puts more emphasis on employees contributing to their own health savings accounts. Today's big announcement was a change to the pension / 401k plan that mostly doesn't affect me, except from the part where the company is no longer contributing money if you don't contribute. Used to be, they'd put in something even if you didn't put in a dime, and would match up to a percentage. Now, they will still match, but you have to contribute in order for them to do so.

Typical stuff, really. Still nice to have a job with a regular paycheck. Although a change to sick time accrual was snuck-in that I'm sure many folks won't like. We used to get 1 sick day per month. Now, we'll get 1/2 a day per month for sick time.

Going in Saturday for a few hours to help finish up a brutal filing task.

Also, Saturday... er, I guess it's today already... is Cindy's birthday.

Muahaha... I already have her gift sneakily put into place. In fact, if she's reading this, she's probably noticed it. And if not, the note I left in her card should've tipped her off.

I've had my ups and downs this week, but so far the good and bad have mostly cancelled each other out. About the only complaint I have right now is a little lack of quality sleep. I'll let that slide, considering that I've always had problems falling asleep, staying asleep, etc. This week the main issue has been going to be late. I can live with that.

No big events to speak of. Cindy's birthday is tomorrow. We don't have anything set in stone, but I have something cookin'... after we get through with obligations we have in the morning anyway. My mom's birthday is Sunday. I sent her gift on Monday and she received it yesterday. I had to call her up and make sure she opened it early. I bought her a Tracfone prepaid card, one of the double minutes / 1 year service / 800 minutes cards. She was planning to go and buy another card to add more minutes today, so I had to head that off. Also saved her from having 130ish minutes expire on her.

Yeah, she's not a heavy cell phone user... but I like knowing she has a phone with her at all times... and she does use it when she's out and about with friends. She has a habit of wandering off. That's gonna be real "fun" if she ever ends up with alzheimer's or something.

My city tax refund was deposited yesterday. No big whoop, really, although it does basically offset the cost of my mom's birthday gift.

The one thing worthy of mention is that I've been communicating with Sarah a lot more recently. Yep, the ex. Well, technically, one of my exes... but if you filter out all of the "attached" people, she pretty much was the last person I saw in the traditional sense before Cindy. Anyhoo... we've been chatting on Facebook, passing a few texts back and forth, and have had a couple brief chats on the phone. It feels like we've become fast friends again. I had forgotten how playful and cheery she could be, and how easy it was for us to talk and share what's going on. Sounds like she's come a long way toward conquering her demons too... and I no longer take it so personally that she broke up with me (with an e-mail!). Heh.

I wish I had more time to connect with her. Actually, that goes for all of my friends. I work such long hours and am home at such odd times that I hardly get to communicate with anybody. It's not just Cindy I'm feeling that need to interact with. I find myself a bit crestfallen when I log on and don't see names like Carly, Aaron, Kathryn, etc.

Oh well, off to shower and then off to work. It's Friday, which means payday for people. And it's the day teachers get paid, which is a double whammy for us. AND it's the first, which means people getting their government benefits. So we're going to be wall-to-wall all day. No sense in feeling the fear... just hurl yourself at the storm and hope for the best.

My lack of sleep didn't seem to impair my day all that much. So, hey... I'll just write about the movie I watched last night: The Wrestler.

I was a fan of wrestling growing up. I've read blogs written by indie wrestlers and stories written about the pros that all speak of an intense desire to be in the ring. But, ya know, The Wrestler isn't really a movie about that stuff.

It's a metaphoric piece. Wrestling is used to structure a story that tells of one man's realization that he is too old and too broken down to continue doing the one thing he loves to do... and the various phases he goes through trying to cope. He tries to find love. He tries to reconnect with family. He tries to do something else. But he doesn't fit quite right in the world outside of the ring and all of his attempts at something different fail miserably.

It is a very, very sad movie. I think that sort of negative epiphany is something that EVERYONE experiences at least once in their life. I know I have been really depressed realizing that I'm done writing about video games; and that my health issues pretty much make it impossible for me to do certain things I once enjoyed.

I dunno, I need to buy The Wrestler and watch it again. I was too moved on first-view to grasp whatever other subtle things were happening.